A Choice in Loves
by Lady-Knight-Sam-Carter
Summary: Yuki and Neal Discuss Neal's choice in lovers


I can't imagine that Neal and Yuki didn't have a conversation about why Neal didn't have a romantic relationship with Kel. This is my take on what that conversation could have been like.

ALSO, I know I'm not a great writer so any constructive criticism is always welcome and with enough commentary I could be convinced to keep the story going if that is whats wanted.

Neal has finally arrived at Steadfast, Kel wanting to stay until the harvest was entirely in before leaving her people. Yukimi Noh Daiomoru does not begrudge her friend the extra time with her people, and indeed Yuki does not begrudge the war from delaying her marriage no matter how disappointed she is by its delay. These things arise and her lover is doing his duty to the realm. She does miss Neal though and is very grateful to have him back. He came straight to the room she was waiting for him in when he arrived. They had a passionate 45 minutes of reacquainting themselves and assuring one another their passions for the other holds strong. It is now, while they lie in their bed together, listening to Neal tell her of all that has happened to him in the past year that the thought that plagued her over the last few months resurfaces.

"Kel led us right into the mouth of that castle! She was amazing and fierce, and terrifying." Neal shifts and resettles the way he is holding Yuki to look her better in the face "There was a time when we were all pages, Kel drug me to her room to show Lalasa a bunch of self defence moves, after watching her teach her for about thirty minutes or so, Roald told Kel he would treat her with the respect he reserved for the crown jewels. I don't know how much I respect those jewels myself but seeing her through Scanra, I have that kind of respect for her all over again."

Yuki smiles up at him and gets out of the bed to start getting dressed again. Neal is watching her, "What's wrong love? I felt your attention shift a few moments ago". Yuki, half dressed turns and looks at Neal hard a moment, then wrapps her kimono like roab around herself and ties it.

"Nealan…" Neal cringes but waits. The look on his lovers face is devoid of its yamani mask and set very seriously, "You love me. I know this."

At that statement Neal stands and wraps his arms around his wife to be "With all my heart my love."

Yuki allows herself to enjoy the embrace for a moment as Neal rests his chin upon her head, she knows what she's about to ask could blow their relationship to pieces. Slowly she pulls away slightly, offers Neal a delicate smile "I know. My question is… Why do you love ME?"

She sees the confusion in Neal's face and tries to elaborate "I don't mean 'because you're beautiful' and such like, I mean… Keladry is your very best friend. You've known one another since you were ten and fifteen. You say you love her as a fellow warrior but she wrote me as a page. I know she had a crush on you when she was a page. I can't imagine you didn't know," at this point Neal sighs, grabs and pulls on his loincloth and sits down on the bed again watching Yuki as she begins to pace, "You are closer to her than anyone and she to you. I don't understand how you are not IN love with her. You say yourself you believe her to be the most amazing person you know. And you two would make an exceptional couple. You complement each other so well." She stops and looks at him another moment before sitting next to him and drawing his hands into her lap "I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself or insecure, I KNOW you love me, I just, you love her and you could so easily be IN love with her. Are you sure you are making the right choice in loving and marrying me? Once we're wed it's too late. I won't begrudge you or Kel if you want out now to be with her. I would understand."

They sit like that for a few moments just listening to one another breath. Slowly Neal shifts to face Yukimi, lifts one of his hands to her face to cup her cheek and kisses her soundly with all the pure passion he has for her. When he pulls away he rubs his thumb across her cheek bone.

"You're right on many accounts my love. I do love Kel. She is my truest and dearest friend. It is also true that I believe that we would make a decent couple. We ballance one another in our temperaments. She's always been able to handle my outbursts and I've been able to lift her from her deepest broods. She'd certainly do well to our people as well. Queenscove would prosper with her as the lady. You are also correct that I was aware she had a crush on me while we were pages."

He stands, gets dressed, and sits in the chair across from the bed facing Yuki. Yuki sits and waits patiently. She knows Neal was not expecting this from her and knows that it will take time for Neal to collect his emotions and find the words he will want to use. He has always taken the time to make sure any concerns she has ever had with him, their culture, his expectations of her and hers for him, have his full attention and are addressed fully with all due level of gravitos.

"Did you know my father and Lady Illane were friends as children?" Neal suddenly asks her.

Yuki smiles, "I did not. Though I do suppose they are of a similar age and do tend to have similar politics. I've never seen them interact with one another though.

Neal nods, "That's because they don't anymore. Or at least not without Baron Piers or my mother with them. See they were great friends. When my father was knighted and Lady Illane joined the court after the convent they were even more than friends. They were truly in love with one another. My father told me about it one time after he had seen to Kel after one of her fights with Joren and his crowd. I had given him a glass of brandy and it all just spilled out of him."

Neal shifted to sit on the edge of the chair "Kel's grandma Dragon, Lady Illane's mother, was all for the match and never discouraged their association. Apparently seeing them together was a regular thing and the whole court knew where to find him, all they had to do was follow the sound of Kel's mother's musical laughter. My grandmother wouldn't have it though. Grandma Kristianna told father 'No knight of the Book of Gold is marrying into Book of Copper squaller! You will find a proper lady or I will make sure it is made known to the other mothers at court that she is a two bit trollop that has slept her way through the men of the Own and is indecent for their boys!'" Neal shakes his head "If you had met my grandma you would understand she meant it and would have succeeded in destroying Lady Illane's good name. Evidently they had discussed the chances of them working out as slim but they had gone on hoping and falling in love."

Neal was silent a moment before restarting "They both did their duty. They both moved on from one another and found new partners and eventually married. My father DOES love my mother. I'm certain Lady Illane loves baron Piers as well. They thought after they were both married they could go back to being friends again. They started exchanging letters and eventually, when they were at the same balls, they started talking to one another again. Both of their spouses knew about their past. The whole court knew apparently. But they are both so honorable."

"It was after many drinks and staying in one of the libraries after a ball one evening when it happened. They had had too many drinks and we're reminiscing and got carried away and apparently starting kissing. It never got further than that according to father." Neal chuckles a little "at this point in my father's telling I wasn't sure if I wanted to throw the rest of his brandy on him for cheating on my mother or give him a hug for how hard it must of been for them..' Yuki smiles at him with her eyes and he continues, "anyway, they left after that and they both told their spouses what happened. My mother was apparently deeply saddened but said that it was not unusual for lords to have side lovers when their marriages became a chore. This sent my father into a rage and evidently they didn't speak to one another for weeks. They eventually made up obviously as I sit here now but it was agreed that to prevent it from happening again, My father and Kel's mom would not be in a room together alone again and they would stop exchanging letters. I can't say what it was like for Lady Illane but Father said a week later her and Kel's father went to be representatives of the crown in Tyra for a year."

Neal sighed and looked down at his feet. "Kel and I we're already friends when he told me this story. I knew she had a crush on me and I was developing feelings for her as well. At the end of his telling my father stood, gripped my hands and told me 'I will not be as my mother. If you want to love Kel, I will not stop you from marrying her even if as a Mindelan her family isn't in any noble genealogy but be careful, if you love her and lose her to another, you will never be able to recover your friendship'. Yuki, I can count on one hand the number of times I have seen my father cry and look broken. Once for my second older brother. Once for my eldest brother. And once when he was telling me of loving Kel's mother. It was awful to look into his eyes as he told me his story. Like a piece of his soul was missing in loosing her."

Neal falls silent and Yuki walks to him and then kneels in front of him to grab his hands and force him to look into her eyes "I chose then not to fall in love with Kel, Yukimi. I will not lose her friendship. Not even for the chance to be the love of her life." He gives her a brittle but true smile now "and it was the right choice because as good a couple as we could have been, it wouldn't be quiet right. You, my love, are the right woman for me." His smile becomes stronger "And since you are both such good friends as well, I get to have both women I love in my life, one as my lover and the love of my life, and one as my soulmate and truest of friends."

Yuki smiles up at Neal and Neal raises them both onto their feet "Do you understand now my Yamani Blossom, will you still have me knowing I love another woman and you will forever have to share me if not in our passions but in my loyalty?"

Yuki kisses him resolutely "I'm sorry for your father and the loss of his love, but I'm glad it has made you into the man you are. I can live with sharing your love and take comfort in knowing if something were to happen to me, you would still have someone to love eventually. Thank you for sharing with me."

Neal kisses her again muttering darkly "Nothing is going to happen to you and Kel and I will never be anything more than friends." Yuki smiles up at him and hmmms. Suddenly, her stomach growls. Neal Laughs and leans down to grab some more of Yuki's clothing "Shall we finish getting dressed and join everyone for supper? If we do not show ourselves soon I will never survive the torment they ring upon my head on our way back to New Hope.

Yuki shares a rare laugh and begins to dress properly "Yes we shall my love, I don't think I would appreciate the knowing look on Buri's face either since she and My Lord Raoul made it to dinner the day we arrived."


End file.
